Elliot: "My life is a mess."
J.D.: "At least you're pretty."
Elliot: "Pretty don't pay the rent."
Carla: "It does for my sister."
Elliot: "Your sister's a prostitute?"
Carla: "She's a model! Come on, we talked about thinking before we speak."

"Well, that, and a little medical boondoggle I have to go to in Cleveland. And by medical boondoggle I mean golf-weekend. And by Cleveland I mean Hawaii. Anyway, I have to go catch my bus to the airport. And by bus I mean helicopter."

Dr. Cox: "I hate you. You suck."
Elliot: "I know, but I've been trying harder."
Dr. Cox: "Barbie? Talking to the computer, but nice self esteem."