About Schmidt

Warren: "Randall, what happened about that investment opportunity? You never called me back."
Duncan: "You mean that pyramid scheme?"
Larry: "Let's not talk about that now."
Duncan: "All I know is I lost $800."

"You're not gonna believe this. We had a tire swing over there."

"People used to think it was strange 'cause I breast-fed him 'til he was almost five, but I say... hunh, just look at the results!"

"You can't marry him. I mean... Look at these people!"

Roberta: "You already know how famously they get along as friends, but did you know that their sex life is positively white hot? The main reason both of my marriages failed was sexual. I'm an extremely sexual person, I can't help it, it just how I'm wired, you know, even when I was a little girl. I had my first orgasm when I was 6 in ballet class. Anyway, the point is that I have been always very easily aroused and very orgasmic, Jeannie and I have a lot in common that way. Clifford and Larry, they were nice guys, but they just could not keep up with me. Anyway, I don't want to betray Jeannie's confidence, but let me just assure you that whatever problems those two kids may run into along the way, they will always be able to count on what happens between the sheets to keep them together. More soup?"
Warren: "Eh... no, I think I'm fine now. "

Larry: "All I was doing was welcoming somebody into the family."
Roberta: "Larry, we've been welcomed by you, thank you so much, now would you please just drink your fucking milk and shut the fuck up."

"All of a sudden you're taking an interest in what I do? You have an opinion about my life NOW? Okay, you listen to me. I am getting married the day after tomorrow and you are going to come to my wedding and you are going to sit there and enjoy it and support me or else you can just turn right around right now and go back to Omaha."

"Well Ndugu, I'll close now. You probably can't wait to run and cash this check and get yourself something to eat."