Kathy Bates

Thurman Merman: "One time I ate too much turkey bacon I didn't poop for two weeks, for four weeks."
Sunny Soke: "Is this your spawn?"
Willie: "Do I look like I made him?"
Sunny Soke: "Well if this ain't fetal alcohol syndrome, then what the f*ck is it?"

"I need happy, I need romantic, I need love... and I need it from you."

Sunny Soke: "That's the ugliest baby on the planet."
Marcus: "Damn!"

Agnes: That's an old joke!
Frank: So's your face!

"He tried a twelve step program but he got so drunk he fell down the steps!"

Larry: "All I was doing was welcoming somebody into the family."
Roberta: "Larry, we've been welcomed by you, thank you so much, now would you please just drink your fucking milk and shut the fuck up."

Roberta: "You already know how famously they get along as friends, but did you know that their sex life is positively white hot? The main reason both of my marriages failed was sexual. I'm an extremely sexual person, I can't help it, it just how I'm wired, you know, even when I was a little girl. I had my first orgasm when I was 6 in ballet class. Anyway, the point is that I have been always very easily aroused and very orgasmic, Jeannie and I have a lot in common that way. Clifford and Larry, they were nice guys, but they just could not keep up with me. Anyway, I don't want to betray Jeannie's confidence, but let me just assure you that whatever problems those two kids may run into along the way, they will always be able to count on what happens between the sheets to keep them together. More soup?"
Warren: "Eh... no, I think I'm fine now. "

"People used to think it was strange 'cause I breast-fed him 'til he was almost five, but I say... hunh, just look at the results!"