Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

"Oh, look how cute, the pig's better potty-trained than you, Greg."

"First rule of the road trip is, the driver is the DJ."

Rodrick: "I got us a microwave pizza..."
Frank: "Rodrick, that's a minisafe!"
Rodrick: "And they disguised it as a microwave!"

"Well... you said you want to get the boat on the water this summer..."

Susan: [on the phone] "I need to file a issing person's report..."
Reporter [on TV]: "What do your parents think about coming to the EXPO playing video games?"
Rodrick [on TV]: "Oh, they have no idea."
Grag: [on TV] "They're little slow."
Susan: [still on the phone] "Actuallly... I like to report a duouble murder..!"

"This is perfect! Player-Expo is in Indianapolis this weekend, it's ony two inches away."

"If there's one thing I learned from my years being a kid, it's that you're in zero control of your own life."