Horrible Bosses

"Are you gonna slap me in the face with your cock?"

"I get to work before the sun comes up, and I leave long after it's gone down. I haven't had sex in 6 months with someone other than myself. And the only thing in my refrigerator is an old lime. Could be a kiwi, no way to tell."

"I'm a green belt, motherfucker!"

"Life is a marathon and you cannot win a marathon without putting a few bandaids on your nipples!"

Kurt: "Your father told me very clearly that he would rather die than save money and hurt people."
Bobby: "Well guess what, looks like we're right on schedule then."

"I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states."
[about Harkan's wife]

Det. Hagan: "Do you want to explain why you were doing 61 in a 25 zone? One block from the victims house. Just moments after he got shot dead."
Nick: "I was drag racing. I'm a drag racer."
Detective Samson: "You were drag racing."
Nick: [nodding]
Detective Samson: "In a Prius."
Nick: "I don't win a lot..."