Gabrielle: "It's like my grandmother always said: an erect penis doesn't have a conscience."
Lynette: "Even the limp ones aren't that ethical."

"My name is Mary Alice Young. When you read this morning's paper you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally there is never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all changed last thursday. Of course everything seemed quite normal at first. I made breakfast for my family, I performed my chores, I completed my projects, I ran my errands. In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life, until it gleamed with perfection. That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver that had never been used."

Rex: "I can't believe you tried to kill me."
Bree: "Yes, well, I feel badly about that"