As Good as It Gets

"Waiting gives devil time."

"A compliment is something nice about somebody else."

Melvin: "I'm dying here."
Simon: "Because you love her."
Melvin: "No! And you people are supposed to be sensitive and sharp?"

Carol: "How are you?"
Simon: "Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I need to get some new thoughts."
Carol: "Why? What are you thinking about now?"
Simon: "How to die, mostly."
Carol: "To think that in our little mix you're the good roommate."

"I don't get this place. They make me buy a new outfit and let you in a housedress. I don't get it."

"Just what the world needs, another actress."

Carol: "Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?"
Melvin: "Yes I do, as a matter of fact. And to prove it, I have not gotten personal, and you have."

Frank: "If there's a mental health organization that raises money for people like you, be sure to let me know."
Melvin: "Last word freak."