Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

"That's one thing I've learned about clients. Dead ones don't pay their bills."

[Rigby Reardon is dressed like a woman]
Rigby Reardon: "Do I look like a dame?"
Juliet Forrest: "Not as much as I do."

"My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face."

Handsome: "You don't smoke, do you?"
Rigby Reardon: "No, I have tuberculosis."
Handsome: "Oh, thank heaven for that."

"When I arrived in Carlotta, I thought of the words Marlowe had said to me over 15 years ago: 'Dead men don't wear plaid'. ... Dead men don't wear plaid. I still don't know what it means."

"If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don't you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles."

"All dames are alike: they reach down your throat so they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, and they step on it with their high heels, they spit on it, shove it in the oven and then cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast and they serve it to you. And they expect you to say 'Thanks, honey, it's delicious.'"

"I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I'd solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits."