Deadpool

Ajax: "Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut."
Wade Wilson: "Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Give it up for Chastity."

"Vanessa's already working on plan's A, B, through Z. Me? I'm trying to memorize the details of her face, like it's the first time I'm seeing it... or the last."

Deadpool: "It reeks like old lady pants in here."
Blind Al: "Well I am an old lady, and I wear pants."

Blind Al: "Why such a douche this morning?"
Wade Wilson: "Let's recap: the cock-thistle that turned me into this freak slipped through my arms today... arm... Catching him was my only chance to be hot again, get my super sexy ex back and prevent this shit from happening to someone else, so yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo."

"Okay guys, I only have twelve bullets, so you're all going to have to share!"

"You will die alone, if you could die... ideally, for other's sakes."

"You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes!"