Deadpool

"Here's the thing. Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break. Which meant it was time to return to our regularly scheduled programming."

"Shit, did I leave the stove on?"

"Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays?"

"I bet it's going to feel really big in that hand later..."

"I'd go with you, but... I don't want to."

"I didn't just get the cure to el cancer, I got the cure to el everything."

"Wow, this is such a big house, but I only ever see the two of you here. It's like the studio didn't have enough money for any more X-Men..."

Blind Al: "Love is blind, Wade."
Wade Wilson: "No, you're blind."