Dirty Grandpa

Jason Kelly: "How do I look?"
Dick Kelly: "You look like the keynote speaker at a butt f*ck convention."

Lenore: "I like your pull out couch."
Dick Kelly: "Yeah? Well I got news for you, that's the only thing that's gonna be pulling out tonight."

Dick Kelly: "The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies."
Jason Kelly: "You know, most grandpa's just want toffee or socks."

Lenore: "I want you to tear open my bra like it's a social security check. Now fumble around and pretend like you're trying to find your glasses."
[she pushes her chest into his face]
Dick Kelly: "I found them! I can see!"

Dick Kelly: "Are those my pants?"
Lenore: "I found a Werther's Original in the pocket and I've been sucking on it all morning."

[Dick squeezes too much sun cream onto Lenore's chest]
Dick Kelly: "Whoops. That never usually happens."
Lenore: "Really? It happens to me all the time."

"No. Hey, you know one in three of these girls have herpes. Even if you can't see it."

Drunk Guy: [rubs his chest on the car window] "DAYTONA BEACH!!!"
Dick: "Daytona Beach! You're right, buddy!"
Meredith: "You're in Daytona Beach?!"
Jason: "Listen, we're just driving through Daytona Beach. We're in route..."
Meredith: "Jason! I don't know why you're there, you better call me from your grandfather's house when you get there tonight! Okay?"