Dirty Grandpa * Quotes

Stinky: "Who's the lesbian?"
Dick: "My grandson, Jason."
Stinky: "Is he here to sizzle with me?"

"Party 'till you're pregnant!"

Dick: "So you're a lawyer now?"
Jason: "Being a corporate lawyer is awesome. I get to handle SCC Compliants."
Dick: "No shit?"
Jason: "LP Agreements, LLC Agreements."
Dick: "You know what I'd rather do?"
Jason: "What?"
Dick: "I'd rather Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon."

Lenore: "Hey! We're heading to Daytona. So you guys want to tag along for a bit maybe, party some babies into us?"
Jason: "We have a very important tee time."
Dick: "Obviously I've got the bigger 3-wood."
Lenore: "Good, maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina."
Jason: "Holy shit!"

Dick: "Did ever go on spring break?"
Jason: "No. I can't chug alcohol, I developed like a gag reflex."
Dick: "You're chugging a bear not taking it on a horse cart."

"The way I see it, this is our last stand."

Jason: "What's up, Nick?"
Nick: "Sucks about grandma, huh?"
Jason Kelly: "Yeah."
Nick: "Murdered like that?"
Jason: "Nick, she had cancer."
Nick: "We'll never know the truth."
Jason: "We absolutely know the truth. Grandma had cancer for ten years. Calm it down."
[Nick starts pouring his drink all over the flowers on her casket]
Nick: "I'll see you at the crossroads, grandma!"
[Jason grabs the bottle and pulls Nick away]
Jason: "What are you doing?! Are you kidding me right now? My dad and my fiancé are literally standing right next to us."
Nick: "Beyoncé's here?"
Jason Kelly: "No!"