Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

"Can we lock up and get drunk now?"

Soap: "Rory Breaker? That psychotic black dwarf with an Afro?"
Tom: "That would be the same man, yes."

"All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on."

"I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets."

Tom: "Look, it's all completely chicken soup."
Nick: "It's what?"
Tom: "It's kosher. As Christmas."
Nick: "The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom."

"I've just spent 120 quid on me hair. If you think I'm puttin a stockin over me head you're very much mistaken."

Dog: "What the fuck is that?"
Mickey: "It's me bren gun."
Dog: "Couldn't you have thought of something more practical?"

"A little bit of pain never hurt anybody, if you know what I mean."