Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

"You're not funny, Tom. You're fat, and look as though you should be, but you're not."

"If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't got, I suggest you get those guns. Quick!"

"There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses."

Nick: "What else does it come with?"
Tom: "It comes with a gold-plated Rolls Royce, as long as you pay for it."

Eddy: "The entire British empire was built on cups of tea..."
Bacon: "Yeah, and look what happened to that."
Eddy: "...and if you think I'm going to war without one, mate, you're mistaken."

"Is this some white cunts joke that black cunts don't get? 'Cause I'm not fucking laughing Nicholas."

Rory: "What did you shoot him with, an air rifle?"
Winston: "Look, we grow weed. We're not mercenaries."
Rory: "You don't say."

Soap: "I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid."
Tom: "You'd take a pain in the arse for air miles."