Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot

Joe: "Why didn't you answer when I called?"
Tutti: "That was you? You never called."
Joe: "That was me, why didn't you pick up the phone?"
Tutti: "Every year when I'm about to come out to visit, you call and say it's not a good time, so I decided not to answer the phone this time in case you called."

Joe: "Mom, I don't like eggs."
Tutti: "If you don't eat them now, they'll be waiting here for you at dinner."

"It was so cute, when he was 6 years old he walked into the kitchen and said 'Mommy! My peepee's stuck in my zipper'!"

Tutti: "Stop! Stop that man, Joe. Stop that man! I saw that man on America's Most Wanted."
Joe: "What did he do?"
Tutti: "He killed his mother."

"Stop or my mom will shoot!"

"This is the way we wash our gun... wash our gun... wash our gun..."

"His ass was the grass and I was the lawnmower."

[Tutti points the gun at her son]
"Go ahead! Make your bed."