The Other Guys

Allen: "Hey, what are you doing here?"
Terry: "I come here when I have lady troubles, which means, I come here every night."

"I just want to go somewhere and breastfeed!"

"In twenty years, that guy's never been down here before. What did you two do?"

Hal: "What would you rather be, a bear or a dog?"
Terry: "I don't care."
Hal: "I would rather be a bear-dog, half bear, half dog. Because that way I would live in the house, but I still get to make a doodie in the woods!"

"Wife's makin her famous deviled eggs again, my waistline's furious."

Allen: "I'm so tired of you getting angry, and yelling all the time, it's exhausting. I feel like I'm partners with the Hulk."
Terry: "You want to know why I'm so angry all the time? Because the more I try to do right the more I screw things up."

"One day I'll get you over that wall of anger, and it will be glorious!"

"They took my shoes again, man! What the hell is it with taking shoes?"