Scrubs - Season 2

"Caus' you see, for me, sex is a sport, like racquetball. Play hard for half an hour, work up a sweat and hope you don't get hit in the eye."

"Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone, no matter how many people are around."

"This is the reason why your headache didn't go away. That's actually pronounced 'an-al-ge-sic', not 'anal-gesic'. Sir, the pills go in your mouth."

"Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots."

Dr. Cox: "I hate you. You suck."
Elliot: "I know, but I've been trying harder."
Dr. Cox: "Barbie? Talking to the computer, but nice self esteem."

"Because even if it breaks your heart to be 'just friends'... if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit."

"Well, that, and a little medical boondoggle I have to go to in Cleveland. And by medical boondoggle I mean golf-weekend. And by Cleveland I mean Hawaii. Anyway, I have to go catch my bus to the airport. And by bus I mean helicopter."

Elliot: "I'm not hiding, I was just looking for my... you know, the... I was looking for my dignity."
J.D.: "Did you find it?"
Elliot: "No. I must've left it at college."