"Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos and masturbating do not constitute 'plans' in my book."

"You brought a meth lab to the airport?"

Jesse: "Battery's dead."
Walter: "Jesse. Back when I asked you to put the keys in a safe place, where did you put them?"
Jesse: "I left them right here. In the, um... the ignition."
Walter: "Son of a bitch!"
Jesse: "Whoa whoa. No, this is not my fault, alright? The buzzer didn't buzz."
Walter: "The WHAT?"
Jesse: "The buzzer! The buzzer that buzzes when you put the keys in. To like let you know that the battery's on. I know that! It didn't buzz. Look, I didn't turn the key or anything, alright? I'm not stupid. Did you hear the buzzer buzz? I did not... It's faulty, it's a faulty mechanism."
Walter: "Is this just a genetic thing with you? Is it congenital? Did your, did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?"