Father Figures * Quotes

Kyle: "Look at this poor guy. Give the man a ride!"
Peter: "We're not picking up a hitchhiker. He could very easily be a serial killer, and I don't want to be late to mom's wedding."

Peter: "I've spent my whole life trying to honor his memory. This means I stare at assholes for a living because of a fictional man's colon cancer."
Kyle: "Could you pivot into plastic surgery or something less butt related?"

"Mom actually dated Terry Bradshaw?"

"Why don't you just stop this foolishness. Who your father is or isn't is totally irrelevant."

Peter: "He's out there. I'm gonna find dad."
Kyle: "Let's do it."

Peter: "Do you remember a woman named Helen Baxter?"
Terry Bradshaw: "Talk about a blast from the past. She had the tightest ass you've ever seen and a set of knockers... urely knowed how to use them... damn, they cost us the Super Bowl."

Terry Bradshaw: "Does the name Helen Baxter ring a bell?"
Rod Hamilton: "It does more than ring a bell. I just think I came in my pants."
Terry Bradshaw: "Oh, Rod..."
Rod Hamilton: "The woman was like a dick whisperer. What makes you think about Helen Baxter?"
Peter: "She's our mom."
Rod Hamilton: "All we did was cuddle."