Father Figures * Quotes

Kyle: "Look at this poor guy. Give the man a ride!"
Peter: "We're not picking up a hitchhiker. He could very easily be a serial killer, and I don't want to be late to mom's wedding."

Peter: "I've spent my whole life trying to honor his memory. This means I stare at assholes for a living because of a fictional man's colon cancer."
Kyle: "Could you pivot into plastic surgery or something less butt related?"

"Mom actually dated Terry Bradshaw?"

Peter: "He's out there. I'm gonna find dad."
Kyle: "Let's do it."

Peter: "Do you remember a woman named Helen Baxter?"
Terry Bradshaw: "Talk about a blast from the past. She had the tightest ass you've ever seen and a set of knockers... urely knowed how to use them... damn, they cost us the Super Bowl."

Terry Bradshaw: "Does the name Helen Baxter ring a bell?"
Rod Hamilton: "It does more than ring a bell. I just think I came in my pants."
Terry Bradshaw: "Oh, Rod..."
Rod Hamilton: "The woman was like a dick whisperer. What makes you think about Helen Baxter?"
Peter: "She's our mom."
Rod Hamilton: "All we did was cuddle."

"Why don't you just stop this foolishness. Who your father is or isn't is totally irrelevant."