Hancock * Quotes

Ray: "Did you shove a man's head up another man's ass?"
Hancock: [nodding] "mhh.."

Hancock: "The way you deal with bullies... you take your right foot, bring it right up and catch him in his little piss pump."
Mary: "You don't have to do that, honey. Okay? Seriously."
Aaron: "It's a good idea."
Hancock: "You aim straight, make sure he can't use that thing for nothin' but a flap to keep the dust out of his butt crack."

"You're an asshole. I know. I call it like I see it, though. It's not a crime to be an asshole, but it's very counter-productive."

Hancock: "All of you people, blocking the intersection, you're all idiots."
Spectator #1: "You're the one that threw the dude's car at her. And what's with the train?"
Spectator #2: "Why didn't you just go straight up in the air with the car? You've obviously injured that poor woman."
Spectator #3: "She's right. She should sue you."
Hancock: "Okay. Well, you should sue McDonald's, 'cause they fucked you up."

[Hancock arrives at a pinned down female cop]
Hancock: "Good job! Do I have permission to touch your body?"
Female Cop: "Yes!"
Hancock: "It's not sexual. Not that you're not an attractive woman. You're actually a very attractive woman and..."
Female Cop: [screams] "Get me the hell out of here!"

"Gotta wonder, though. What kind of bastard must I have been, that nobody was there to claim me? I mean, I'm... I'm not the most charming guy in the world, so I've been told, but... nobody?"

Mary: [about Hancock] "We broke up decades ago. Long before you were born. He just can't remember."
Ray: "But you can. Right? You knew? That's something you might want to bring up on the first date, Mary. "I don't like to travel. I'm allergic to cats. I'm immortal." Okay? Those are some of the things you might want to give a little heads-up on."
Mary: "Whatever we are, we were built in twos, okay? We were drawn to each other. No matter how far I run, he's always there. He finds me. It's physics."
Ray: "What are you saying? Are you saying you two are fated to be together?"
Mary: "I've lived for a very long time, Ray. And the one thing I've learned: "Fate doesn't decide everything. People get to choose."
Hancock: "And you chose to let me think I was here alone."
Mary: "I didn't think you'd miss what you didn't remember."