Barnard Hughes

"The one thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach... all the damn vampires!"

Sam: "Wait, wait. You have a TV?!
Grandpa: "No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV."

"Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my rootbeers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second shelf but me!"

Grandpa: "Hey! Smells good! When do we eat?"
Lucy: "I told Max around eight."
Grandpa: "Max! Are we going to have company again?"
Lucy: "Again? Dad you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago."
Grandpa: "Right! Now we are going to have company again!"

"Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew that didn't improve her situation by getting divorced."

"Well, now, let me put it this way. If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once, we'd have one hell of a population problem."