Ted

"Hey Lori, can you turn the alarm to 11 AM? I've got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow."

"I look like Snuggles' accountant."

Lori: "There's a shit on the floor!"
Ted: "Or, or, or, maybe the floor is on the shit."

Ted: "I look stupid."
John: "No, you don't, you look dapper."
Ted: "John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell 'em Grandma died."