The Odd Couple

"Look at this. You're the only man in the world with clenched hair."

"I know him. He'll kill himself just to spite me. Then his ghost will come back, following me around the apartment, haunting and cleaning, haunting and cleaning, haunting and cleaning..."

"Don't threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it's not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do."

"I know him. He's too nervous to kill himself. Wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie."

Murray: "A whole bottle of pills! My God, get an ambulance!"
Oscar: "Wait a minute, will ya? We don't even know what kind!"
Murray: "What difference does it make? He took a whole bottle!"
Oscar: "Well, maybe they were vitamins! He could be the healthiest one in the room!"

"I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. 'We're all out of cornflakes. F.U.' Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!"

Felix: "I take a pill and I feel ok."
Oscar: "Why take a pill when you can take a girl?"

"It takes two to make a rotten marriage."