Ted * Quotes

Donny: "You're mine now, Ted."
Ted: "Screw you, pal. I belong to John Bennett."
Donny: "I can give you love and rocking horses and dancing."
Ted: "I think we're very far apart on this."

Ted: "I look stupid."
John: "No, you don't, you look dapper."
Ted: "John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell 'em Grandma died."

Lori: "There's a shit on the floor!"
Ted: "Or, or, or, maybe the floor is on the shit."

"I look like Snuggles' accountant."

"Hey Lori, can you turn the alarm to 11 AM? I've got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow."

"He's been going out for four years. My longest relationship was, like, six months, and then she farted in her sleep. I'm like: I'm out of here, man, and I was gone before she woke up."

"You can sing any 90's song with just vowels."