Griffin Newman

Bruce One: "Okay, I know, I know, I know. I shouldn't love a girl who toys so carelessly with other people's emotions - especially mine - but it's not, like, my brain has the ability to overrule my heart."
George: "And other parts of your anatomy."
Bruce One: "Oh, my God, George, that's so funny. That's so funny! You're such a good comedian. You're making a penis joke. What is that? Is that your closer now?"

"I told him you were busy, and he told me to, uhm, have intercourse with my mother... which, you know, she passed away, so... I... I didn't tell him that..."

Rick the Intern: "How did you come up with that?"
Sonny Weaver Jr.: "I was pissed!"

Rick the Intern: "Can I get you a soda?"
Sonny Weaver Jr.: "No, I don't want a soda! No Clevelander has ever used the word 'soda'. Ever! Us Clevelanders use the word 'pop'."