A Million Ways to Die in the West

"Aim up, sheepboy."

Anna: "There is something about connecting over mutual hatered, it's so much deeper than mutual love."
Albert: "That's so true. If two people hate the same things, it creates a bond. Hate can move mountains."

Anna: "So how did you guys meet?"
Albert: "She moved to town a couple of years ago to take over the schoolmarm job. Our old schoolmarm got her throat slit by a fast moving tumbleweed."

Millie: "You're okay with your girlfriend screwing, like, 15 different guys every day and getting paid to do it?"
Edward: "Oh, my job sucks too."

"Challenge accepted!"

"The last time somebody gave me one of these, I became convinced that prairie dogs could read my mind."
[after Anna offered him some Cookies]

"I'm not the hero. I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt; that's who I am."

Louise: "You're not even a good sheep farmer, Albert. Your sheep are everywhere. The one thing a sheep farmer has to do is keep all of the sheep in one place, all right? I went to your farm the other day, and I saw one in the back yard, three way up on the ridge, two in the pond and one on the roof."
Albert: "Okay, that's Bridget, all right? She has a problem with retardation, but she's full of love."