A Million Ways to Die in the West * Quotes

Louise: "You're not even a good sheep farmer, Albert. Your sheep are everywhere. The one thing a sheep farmer has to do is keep all of the sheep in one place, all right? I went to your farm the other day, and I saw one in the back yard, three way up on the ridge, two in the pond and one on the roof."
Albert: "Okay, that's Bridget, all right? She has a problem with retardation, but she's full of love."

"Everything out here, that is not you, is trying to kill you."

"You know what else can kill you? Doctors!"

"Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse."

Anna: "There is something about connecting over mutual hatered, it's so much deeper than mutual love."
Albert: "That's so true. If two people hate the same things, it creates a bond. Hate can move mountains."

Edward: "This is my first vagina."
Ruth: "You've never seen one?"
Edward: "No... I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something."
[Ruth lifts up skirt]
Edward: "it's... uhh... it's... it's that? Right?"
Ruth: "Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here."
Edward: "Oh."
Ruth: "But this is just the outside, there's these folds."
Edward: "Okay, i'm gonna close the bible now."

"I'm not the hero. I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt; that's who I am."