The Five-Year Engagement

"It's great. I'm excited. I'm gonna be a pioneer. I'll be the first black guy to freeze to death. It's gonna be cool. Yeah, I'm pumped up about it."

Tom Solomon: "Chef, I'm trying to propose to my future wife just right now. Literally right now."
Chef Sally: "Wow. Okay. Wow. Congratulations to both of you guys. Live long and prosper. No, that's weird, that's Star Trek."

"This is supposed to be exciting. It's your wedding... you only get a few of these!"

Tom Solomon: "We're not 100% right for each other so there's nothing to be said."
Carol Solomon: "I've got news for you, moron. Your father and I, we're not even 90% right for each other. Not even 60, but he's the love of my life. And right now the love of your life is going to fly away and somewhere in the back of your mind you're thinking that she'll always be there if you want to try again. But you know what, she won't because she's the goddamn best. And some lucky guy is going to make it work with her no matter what instead of settling for some 23-year old airhead who probably doesn't know who the fucking Beatles are."
Pete Solomon: "Had to be said."

Violet Barnes: "What is your crossbow doing on the kitchen table?"
Tom Solomon: "A crossbow doesn't clean itself, you know."

Tom Solomon: "I was not flirting, okay?"
Alex Eilhauer: "Oh really?"
Tom Solomon: "I was being friendly."
Alex Eilhauer: "Yeah, right. You were sending telepathic wiener missiles at her face. And you know it."

Taco Customer: "You're a white guy. You make tacos like a Mexican."
Tom Solomon: "Thanks."
Taco Customer: "Give me a hug."
Tom Solomon: "Really?"
Taco Customer: "Give me a hug, now!"
Tom Solomon: "Alright."
Taco Customer: "Mhmm. You smell like a taco."

"I feel like I'm drinking out of Chewbacca's dick."