The Five-Year Engagement

Tom Solomon: "How could you do this to me?"
Winton Childs: "I haven't done anything to you, Violet did something to you, not me. If a woman wants to kiss me I'm going to f*cking kiss her. Underneath all that polite bullshit we're all running on caveman software. If she's got a husband, or a fiancé, or a boyfriend it's on her conscience, not mine."
Tom Solomon: "You should run."
Winton Childs: "Look Tom, this is ridiculous. Let's just put a stop to this now, please. Come on, I'm sorry. I really am."
Tom Solomon: "Winton, if you feel bad at all for what you did then you'll run from me."
Winton Childs: "Well, okay, I'll keep running. I'm off."

Violet: "He kissed me, Tom!"
Tom: "You know what? That is a cop out. That is not fair. Yes, he may have been the one who kissed you. But there is a reason that he felt like that was an option. You know that's the truth."

"Seeing you chop onions is depressing. It's like watching Michael Jordan take a shit."

"The first important thing to remember about marriage is that it requires commitment. The second important thing to remember about marriage is that so does insanity."