Wag the Dog

Tracy Lime: "What would they do to me if I did tell someone about this?"
Conrad Brean: "They could come to your house in the middle of the night and kill you."

"Who killed Kennedy? I read the first draft of the Warren report. It said he was killed by a drunk driver."

Fad King: "We're locked into Albania - Why?"
Johnny Dean: "Albania's hard to rhyme."
Stanley Motss: "What are you looking at me for? It's the name of the country."
Johnny Dean: [sings] "Albania, Albania..."
Stanley Motss: "That rhymes..."

"Producing is being a samurai warrior. They pay you day in, day out for years so that one day when called upon, you can respond, your training at its peak, and save the day!"

Conrad: "Leave it alone! What did television ever do to you?"
Winifred: "It destroyed the electoral process!"

Conrad: "You're goddamn right, then it's got nothing to do with the B-3 Bomber!"
John Levy: "There is no B-3 bomber."
Conrad: "I just said that! There is no B-3 bomber, and I don't know why these rumors get started!"

Winifred: "So when we touch down tomorrow, Big Bird is going to meet Schumann at the airport, huh?"
Stanley: "Big mistake, big mistake. You gotta bring them in by stages. Big mistake to reveal Schumann before the election."
Winifred: "How so?"
Stanley: "Sweetheart, Schumann is the shark. Okay? Schumann is Jaws, you know? You have to tease them. You gotta tease them. You don't put Jaws in the first reel of the movie. It's the contract, sweetheart. The contract of the election, whether they know it or not, is 'Vote for me Tuesday, Wednesday I'll produce Schumann'. See, that's what they're paying their seven bucks for."

"Look at that! That is a complete fucking fraud, and it looks a hundred percent real. It's the best work I've ever done in my life, because it's so honest."