Zombieland

"Come on! Anybody hungry? Tallahassee's nice this time of year!"

Columbus: "You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?"
Tallahassee: "Back east, yeah?"
Columbus: "Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing?"
Tallahassee: "Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year."
Columbus: "There are no penguins on the North Pole."
Tallahassee: "You wanna feel how hard I can punch?"

"Tallahassee firmly believes that you have to blow off steam in Zombieland... or else you'll lose what's left of your mind. Well, if it makes him happy and keeps him from using that crowbar on me, then I say 'Hey, go ape shit'."

Columbus: "Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else's story?"
Tallahassee: "No. I knew a guy way worse at that than me."

"Hey, this may be a bad time, but I gotta take the Browns to the Super Bowl."

"That guy down there... is me. I'm in Garland, Texas. And it may look like zombies destroyed it, but that's actually just Garland."

"You see, that's why I don't let people close, you only get burned."

"In Mexico, you know what they call Twinkies? 'Los submarinos'."