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"Ted Jones messed with the wrong melon farmers."

Saul: "Oh, sick! You threw up on my printer!"
Dale: "I did."
Saul: "You break it?"
Dale: "I hope not."

"I should call Angie soon... Make up some bullshit..."

"I wish we could just go nowhere."

Saul: "Man, why'd we have to go to the woods?"
Dale: "Well you didn't come up with any ideas!"
Saul: "Yeah, I came up with two! Nowhere and Quizno's."

"Has anyone seen my bigger knife?"

Dale: "He fucking killed him!"
Saul: "Who killed who?"
Dale : "A cop, a lady, and a guy!"
Saul: "A cop, a lady, and a guy, man? That's like a massacre. You saw it?"
Dale: "No, it was just a guy!"
Saul: "What happened to the lady?"

"I am not gonna wake up murdered tomorrow!"