Pineapple Express

"War is upon you! Prepare to suck the cock of karma!"

"Couscous... the food's so nice they named it twice."

"It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn... with, like, a bomb."

"Well be careful, man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork."

Scientist: "Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for seven minutes and thirteen seconds. We're going to ask you several questions. How do you feel?"
Private Miller: "Ah, well, sir, I feel like a, like a slice of butter... melting on top of a big-ol pile of flapjacks... yeah..."

Angie: "Fuck you, Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?"
Dale: "Like two and a half."
Angie: "Two and a half? What is a half, your hand? That doesn't count!"

"I used to use this little gun when I was a prostitute."

Saul: "What's up with the suit?"
Dale: "Oh, I'm a process server, so I have to wear a suit."
Saul: "Wow, you're a servant? Like a butler? A chauffeur?"
Dale: "No, no. What? No, I'm not like..."
Saul: "Shine shoes?"

Dale Denton: I'm a process server!