The Santa Clause

"You should see a doctor, a shrink, a dietician, anything."

"Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing."

"Not too hot. Extra chocolate. Shaken, not stirred."

"Well, isn't that a pretty picture, Santa rolling down the block in a Panzer!! Well kids, I... I certainly hope you have been good this year, cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pearson home. Incoming!"

Scott: "Hey, Barabbas!"
Bernard: "Ber-nard!"
Scott: "Bernard, can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to stop and change planes in Denver?"

Sarah: You're fatter this year.
Santa: "Thank you. You've grown too. Now go back to sleep."
Sarah: "What's wrong?"
Santa: "I think the milk's a little sour."
Sarah: "It's soy milk."
Santa: "Huh?"
Sarah "You said you were lactose intollerant."

"If something should happen to me, put on my suit; the reindeer will know what to do."
[Instructioncard of fallen Santa]

Charlie: "Get the bag of toys."
Scott: "And do what?"
Charlie: "Go down the chimney."
Scott: "Down the chimney? You want me to take the toys down the chimney into a strange house, in my underwear?!"