The Santa Clause

Laura: "Here's Neil's mother's number..."
Scott: "1-800-SPANK-ME? I know that number."

Scott: "Hey, Charlie, you know how to call 911?"
Charlie: "Sure, 9-1-1."

Charlie: "Woa, how did you do that? How did that feel Dad?"
Scott Calvin: "It felt like America's Most Wanted."

Charlie: "It's Santa! You killed him!"
Scott: "Did not! And he's not Santa!"
Charlie: "Well, he was..."

"Nice sweater. Hey, did we make this?"

"Hey, I know where this is going. The other guy fell, it was an accident. I've got homeowners insurance, and a good attorney, not as good as my wife's - but lets not open up that wound!"

Mr. Whittle: "Good God, your weight! What happened?"
Scott: "Bee sting. Evidently I'm allergic. It almost killed me. But, the guy at the Emergency Room said that eventually the swelling will go down. I hope."

Scott: "Hey, kid, kid... who's in charge here?"
Larry the Elf: "You are, and I'm not a kid, I have pointy SHOES that are older than you... I'm an elf."