The Night Before

"I have a present for you. We're going to the best Christmas party in New York City! So that gives us several hours to hit as many traditions as possible."

"It's your last Christmas together before the baby comes. Get f*cking wild, you know?"
[to Isaac]

Besty: "You have been such a rock throughout this whole pregnancy. You're like my Dwayne Johnson."
Isaac: "Thank you."
Besty: "So tonight just focus on yourself. [hands him a present9"
Isaac: "Holy shit! Shrooms. Is this cocaine? We haven't done cocaine for eleven years I don't think."
Besty: "Yeah, no one has. I don't think."
Isaac: "Holy f*ck."

Cindy's Daughter #1: "What's Hanukkah?"
Isaac: "Hanukkah is Jewish, like me."
Cindy's Daughter #2: "Is that why you look different?"
Isaac: "What was that? Come again?"
Cindy's Daughter #1: "You just look funny."
Isaac: "I look funny? Have you ever seen the shining?"
Betsy: "You're gonna be a great father."

Rebecca: "Dude, I am such a fan."
Chris: "Wow."
Rebecca: "Sorry. I'm like jizzing all over you. I'm getting like jizzy. Sorry."
Chris: "No, no, no. Jizz all over me, I like that shit"

"Gentlemen, this is our last Christmas together. Isaac's sacrificing his whole life and Chris is just too f*cking famous."

"Gentlemen, fourteen years ago on this very night I lost my parents, and you guys have been with me every single Christmas since then. But tonight we have decided to end this tradition. Chris is just too f*cking famous to hang out with us anymore, and Isaac's about to have a baby."

Besty: "Don't you dare throw up in here. Swallow it like a girl would."
Isaac: "I need a barf bag!"
Besty: "There's no barf bags! There's no barf bags! Stop it! There's no barf bags in there!"
[Isaac vomits as he stands in the middle of the church, everyone looks horrified]
Besty: "Is it still happening?"
Cindy: "It's still happening a little, yeah."
Isaac: [running and shouting] "We did not kill Jesus! We did not do that!"