How I Met Your Mother - Season 1

Barney: "Ted, get in the cab. Marshall, you too."
Marshall: "Uh I wish I could but I think me and Lily..."
Barney: "I understand."
[talking to Ted]
Barney: "Come on!"
Ted: "Why can Marshall say no?"
Barney: "Uhh, because he's getting laid."
Marshall: [turns to Ted] "Consistently."

"Airport bar! Flight attendants, they'll get your tray table in it's full upright position. Say what?"

"Wait...[to Barney] so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport you meant you were going to pick someone *up* at the airport?"

"This is gonna be legen... wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant because the next word is... DAIRY!"

Ted: "And so I licked the Liberty Bell."
Laura: "How did it taste?"
Ted: "Like freedom... no, actually it tasted like pennies."

"My friends are gonna love you. Like you. You know, as a friend..."

Marshall: "All right. We threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody 'wanged', everybody 'chunged'. Now The Kid has gotta get to work, and The Kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me: I will not have sex with Marshall."
Ted & Lily: "I will not have sex with Marshall."

Ted: [answering the phone] "Hello?"
Robin: "Hi, Ted."
Ted: "Amanda? Oh, Denise, sorry, you totally sounded like Amanda..."