Christopher Craig

Priest: "Your confession has haunted me all week. How can you live such a hellish existence?"
Maggie Blake: "Isn't that the point of confession?"
Priest: "Your family is the incarnation of evil, and your life is a never-ending pact with the devil! Leave this holy place, for the love of God!"

Priest: "I was expecting a parishioner who can't make it, apparently. Would you like to take his place for confession?"
Maggie Blake: "Me? Oh, I confess, it's been years since I went to confession."