Michelle Pfeiffer

"You take all that silverware out of your purse and put it back before I break all your fucking fingers, capice?"

Warren: "Have you ever noticed the number of things dad is capable of expressing just with the word 'fuck'?"
Maggie: "Trying to say dad is a litter?"
Warren: "No, I mean he's a good old boy, so you know he talks to be understood, not just to sound good. So from him a 'fuck' would mean 'holly shit, what did I just get myself into' or 'great pasta' or 'I'm gonna get that guy for that'. So, why does a guy like that need to stay up all night writing? He could already express the entire range of human emotions with a single word."

Stewart Swinton: "If you find me so attractive, how about me fucking you to death right now darling, how would that be?"
Laura Alden: "I don't know I'll have to try it."

"What are you, the last civilized man?"

Fred Blake: "Is everything all right?"
Maggie Blake: "Nothing much, just the prospect of packing up and moving again when they find out you killed the plumber."
Fred Blake: "I didn't kill him, I took him to the hospital."
Maggie Blake: "Why'd you beat him to a pulp? He's the only plumber within a radius of 20 miles."
Fred Blake: "But he disrespected us and he made you wait on him, honey."
Maggie Blake: "Geez, honey, I survived."
Fred Blake: "And you know the guy was trying to rip me off, so put yourself in my shoes."
Maggie Blake: "Oh, I definitely wouldn't have beaten him up. I mean, who's gonna fix the pipes now?"
Fred Blake: "Well who's gonna rebuild the supermarket that burned down the day we got here? Huh?"

Priest: "Your confession has haunted me all week. How can you live such a hellish existence?"
Maggie Blake: "Isn't that the point of confession?"
Priest: "Your family is the incarnation of evil, and your life is a never-ending pact with the devil! Leave this holy place, for the love of God!"

Bernie: "Hey, Maggie."
Maggie Blake: "Hey, Bernie."
Bernie: "It's good to see you again."
Maggie Blake: "The feeling's not mutual, Bernie."

Maggie Blake: "Listen, sweetie, I don't know the boy, but you have to be a bit of a dork to prefer math to a beautiful girl. You know what I'm saying?"
Belle Blake: "By the time I'm done with him, he won't be able to count on his fingers."