Megan Mullally

Laird Mayhew: "I'm so f*cking psyched that you're out here for the holidays."
Barb Fleming: "This is a fifteen year-old child."
Laird Mayhew: "Oh, shit! You don't say f*ck?"

[During family dinner]
Laird Mayhew: "Remember when we made love in the hot tub? Steph opened up like a flower, you should have seen it."
Barb Fleming: "I shouldn't have seen it but now I feel like I have."

Laird Mayhew: "I have a little surprise. Da-dah!"
[reveals a massive tattoo with the whole family on his back]
Ned Fleming: "Is that our Christmas card?"
Laird Mayhew: "It's all of you!"
Barb Fleming: "And it says 'Happy Holidays' and everything."
Laird Mayhew: "It says 'Happy Holidays'?"
Stephanie Fleming: "Yeah."
Laird Mayhew: "Woh, f*ck. I didn't know he'd put 'Happy Holidays' on there. I guess that's on me forever now."

Laird Mayhew: "Motherf*cking Fleming's are in the house! Yes!"
Ned Fleming: "Oh, my God."
Laird Mayhew: "F*ck yeah!"
Barb Fleming: "Looks like he works out quite a bit."
Laird Mayhew: "Stephie, get 'em up here!"