How To Be Single

"If Tom texts you wait four hours to respond. And if you use an emoji I will tit punch you."

Robin: "To no drama."
Alice: "To no drama."

Ken: "I'm Ken."
Meg: "Is this one of those fetish things where you're... like a foot fetish? Am I the foot?"
Ken: "Do you want to be the foot?"

"The only reason a guy like that would ever talk to me is to get prescription for medical marijuana."

Robin: "Pros: loves me unconditionally, gives me the spare key to the apartment, has a very nice underwear drawer, very neat and organized."
Meg: "You have a key to my apartment?"
Robin: "Cons: ask to many personal questions."

"I don't want to be like you, Meg. I don't want my job to be my entire life."

Robin: "In every male-female friendship there's a total number of drinks and if you hit that it means you would definitely have sex. So how many drinks would it take to get you wasted?"
Alice: "Two and a half, but maybe three if I've eaten."
Robin: "Okay, and Tom's is eight. So you can't hit eleven drinks between the two of you. Not one for you, ten for him. Not six for him, five for you."
Alice: "If I had more than five drinks I'd hook up with you."
Robin: "My drink number is twenty-seven."
Alice: "What?"
Robin: "I wouldn't even touch myself on less than twenty-four."

"You're a pretty girl. This is New York City, there's like a billion people outside that door."