Bad Moms

Carla: "I made out with so many women tonight."
Kiki: "Guys, I really like whippets."

Gwendolyn: "Are those store bought donut holes, Amy?"
Amy: "Oh, um..."
Gwendolyn: "I'm going to destroy you."

Gwendolyn: "Hey, Amy, PTA meeting at 2, will we see you there?"
Amy: "No. bye."

"This has literally been the best day of my life."

Kiki: "In this day and age it's impossible to be a good mom."
Amy: "We all work too damn hard trying to make our kids lives amazing and magical. Their lives already are amazing and magical. Screw it. Let's be bad moms."
Carla: "Oh, I'm in. To bad moms!"
[as they try to cheer with their glasses Kiki falls to the floor]
Amy: "Oh, my God."
Carla: "Honey, get your shit together."

Kiki: "You said everything I've ever felt about being a mom but couldn't say."
Carla: "There are so many f*ucking rules now!"
Amy: "Don't punish your kids."
Kiki: "Don't say no to your kids."

Gwendolyn: "The big sale. No BPA, no MSG, no BHA, no BHT, no sesame, no soy, and of course no nuts or eggs or milk or butter or salt or sugar or wheat."
Amy: "No."
[the other mom's gasp in shock]
Gwendolyn: "What's that now?"
Amy: "I'm so tired of trying to be this perfect mom. I'm done."

Gwendolyn: "Emergency PTA meeting at five o'clock, will we see you there?"
Amy: "I'll totally get a sitter on a Tuesday night. No problem."
Gwendolyn: "Yes, you can. You actually can."