Bad Santa 2

Thurman Merman: "One time I ate too much turkey bacon I didn't poop for two weeks, for four weeks."
Sunny Soke: "Is this your spawn?"
Willie: "Do I look like I made him?"
Sunny Soke: "Well if this ain't fetal alcohol syndrome, then what the f*ck is it?"

Thurman Merman: "I get to wear this?"
Store Manager: "You're a Santa now, Thurman."
[Thurman turns, pulls his pants down mooning the store manager]

Sunny Soke: "That's the ugliest baby on the planet."
Marcus: "Damn!"

"It's starting to feel like Christmas."

Diane: "Tell me how dirty this is?"
Willie: "It's a dumpster and an ally. It's pretty f*cking dirty I guess."
Diane: "Tell me it's f*cking dirty!"
Willie: "Okay. It's f*cking dirty!"

"I'm a good girl, but sometimes I need to be bad."

Diane: "You reek of whiskey. You know the rules and your flouting them."
Willie: "Flouting? I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass."
Diane: "I believe that's felching."

Willie: "I ain't exactly what you'd call the romantic type, but I got to tell you, you got gigantic titties."
Diane: "Excuse me!"